Forwarded Message:
Subj: Melvindale???!
Date: 98-12-18 13:02:59 EST
From: Soorens
To: RoxanneL

Thought you'd get a bang out of this!! ( I'm usually on the Armenian Christianity Line -- I drive them nuts by signing off as Soorens, the old man from Melvindale, MI
LOL --- I tell them I have to put it on the map!!

The Scratchy Apache
"Sam" Sooren Apkarian

Listen my friend, and I'll tell you a tale,
Of the time I traveled on the Western trail;
There were wolves and coyotes, buzzards and all,
But Indians were feared, worst of all.

When you took a trip in the pioneer days,
You would think of dying, in many, many ways;
If the heat didnít get you, then the coyotes could,
Or the buzzards, or some ol' Indian would. ( Ol' = any body, or thing )

Well, there I was, in eighteen o' nine, (1809)
One thousand miles I'd left behind,
Rode on the trail of U. S. Mail,
Headin' due West from Melvindale. ( headin' = heading )
Melvindale?!! That's right son; It's in "Michigan"!!

I'd been watching for signs of smoke,
Fighting Indians was no joke;
My horse got jumpy; I started to fret,
But to play it safe, I thought I'd get set.

Had a gun in each hand, and a knife in my teeth,
Layin' back in the saddle, and steerin' with my feet; ( layin' = laying;
I figured they'd think I was dead, steerin' = steering )
And let me go travelin' West instead. ( travelin' = traveling )
All at once I heard a zing,
It was an arrow from Apache string;
I fired away, till my guns were done,
This crazy Apache made it seem like fun.

I jumped off my horse and pulled my knife,
I cut my tongue, was bleedin' for my life; ( Bleedin' = bleeding )
He jumped on my back and started to scream,
Started scratchin' my face till my beard was clean. ( scratchin' = scratching )
He said he couldn't, take my scalp,
War paint was bad on his allergy;
I never was so glad ,seeing an Indian,
Especially this long-nosed Scratch-y Apache.

He'd fallen off a wagon at the age of ten,
Apaches called him "Sooren Apkarian";
A tomahawk couldn't be used by him,
'cause he was rejected, Ar-men-ian.
"Armenian?!" ----
Yes, "Sooren" ---- the --- "Scratchy" ---- "Apache!"

Copyrighted in 1971 Armenian insanity!
It was meant to be funny.